After my mother died I had several interesting messages from her. These are the notes I took at the time….they might not make you feel “comfortable”, but this is what she told me.
My mother described her Crossing Over here in my last post.
“Again, after my initial entry and these things I am telling you, I had had a second place of ‘lost mind’. I cannot tell you how long this has been, but for some time I think. I am now aware once more, though my eyes restrict me. I am able to see people now and an area around me of, say, a hundred yards, but I am enclosed by my inability to see clearly any further than that. I am told that I will overcome this problem. It is not a problem with my eyes but a problem with my perception, a mental error that is caused by my thoughts of caution and ‘disbelief’. I entered this place with ideas of possibility not probability and so I have had to adapt and will have to adapt to the fact that the here and now exists. I am told that every entry is different according to the mindset of the experiencer.”
I ask the question – “Who tells you?”
“My friends Mabs and Felty, my mother, John-and my teacher/lecturers/companion/guide who is settling me in. I am unable to see this person clearly. It seems to encompass me and I have the idea sometimes that this is myself around myself. This guide is not separate from me, is part of me, yet separate, fully wise. At the times we are together, my vision reduces so that I get the impression of being in a small room in which we have discussions. I have been reviewing my life. Re-view-ing and that is what it is. I am re-live-ing great sections of it. This is not comfortable and at times, lately, I have been distressed by what I have done and how I have affected others by my selfish actions.
I have missed opportunities to show my true feelings of love and joy by closing them up with fear for the future. Many times I reduced my ability to experience delight by worrying about outer appearances and acceptance by society and others.
I have learned that our lives are not just for us to experience, but we act as triggers to enter into a dance with others. The whole of the life is about a bourre (kind of mediaeval dance) in which each person dances the steps not alone – but interacting with the partner of the moment. I missed many dances by not watching where the steps of my partners were leading. I often danced alone!
These periods of introspection are not pleasant but they ‘come over’ me. The guide/lecturer/teacher descends like the cloud cover on Table Mountain and I am forced to comply by the closing down of my own vision. I have not seen flowers, trees or wonderful countryside or many people and no buildings. They say this is only an error in myself and that, with time, I will co-create these things when I learn to.”